Conservative Estimate

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How many Conservatives does it take to change a Doorknob?

Remember these are “Conservative Estimates” and, do not therefore, represent Real numbers.

13 to study the proposal
1 Conservative Senator with connections to local hardware store
3 to help bypass normal tendering process
5 to make the novelty cheque
1 to add the Logo
1 Minister to sign it
1 (anonymous Conservative) to call the Press
6 to organize the Pre-event Cocktail party
6 to organize the Post-event Dinner party
2 to book flights for dignitaries
2 to create the Guest list
3 to send out invitations
6 to serve drinks
4 to serve hor d'oeuvres
28 to keep out Undesirable Canadians (non party members)
1 to change the Doorknob
673 Invited guests
1 Minister to hand out the Cheque
1 Minister to cut the ribbon
1 to Secretly copy the Keys

5 Ministers and 1 Sub-prime Minister to defend the Event in the House of Commons.

Current Estimate: 759

Again, this is only a ‘Conservative Estimate’, so the numbers are only Guesstimates.

I apologize to all those who have been left off of this list and welcome any suggestions that will help bring the number closer to a Number in which All Canadians can have Confidence.

Beatlejokes .... Beatlejokes .... Beatlejokes Oops, Now you've done it!

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Harper at the NAC, Getting Positive Play?

I have heard a few rumblings out there that this is being blown out of proportion by the media, and that the attention may have been premature.

As much as I agree that Harper's 'surprise' Performance was blown out of proportion, I also think that given time that it is going to be seen as ridiculous that it somehow justified the PM getting this kind of Praise.

Sometimes these things just take a bit of time and considered thought to digest.

Keep in mind that Harper is not really a very talented singer. Not really NAC material. AHH show busines, eh? What magic. The backup group, who were quite a bit louder than Harper, were Amazing, but Harper's piano was nearly inaudible, and, to me, his voice sounded Weak and Tremulous, and at times he 'Sang out of tune'. (what are ya gonna do?)

And to top it all off, over 90% of Canadians are functionally tone deaf. God, how I wish I was one of majority of us not really able to identify the chromatic scale.

"But at least it was spontaneous and showed Harper is a real human being." I have heard this little gem over and over from his Flock and his caucus.

Anyone who has looked more closely at the "impromptu jam session" knows that it was far from a spur of the moment happening. It is obvious that the 'surprise' was planned, well in advance, and rehearsed at least at home. I repeat, there was nothing spontaneous about it. Harper's wife, as the Organizer of the event, was able to arrange the whole thing, and she was aware that he may have already been defeated in a Non Confidence vote, by the time of the scheduled performance of this small bit of amateur Theater.

Had that happened, it would have become (plan B) a Great opportunity to Kick off his Election Campaign, with a human,'off the cuff', almost 'blue sweater' like event. Not that he ever stops campaigning, or that he wears blue sweaters when the cameras are not rolling.

As I said, these things take time. And it is starting to be not such a purely positive move by the mysterious Man who rules the PMO.

There are already many questions and many jokes and Jabs floating around the office and the Internet. I should know this, as I have made up dozens of jokes about our hapless Leader. I consider him my Fodder, eh?

Here is one of my contributions:

Although Harper seems to believe he is actually a Beatle, He is not. Neither is he a Rolling Stone. It is rumoured that he has been 'gathering Moss' for four years.

Mr. Harper is no Ringo Starr. Actually now that I think of it he is no star at all.

We all Have Dreams

I often Dream and this morning I Dreamed about a Canada with a very frightening future. This did not seem familiar to me and before long I recognized it as not my own, but Stephen Harper's.

A Canada that had a future where Stephen Harper made all the rules. A future where the word 'criminal' had come to mean anyone who disagreed with Our Dear Leader. A future where the word 'Infrastructure' had come to mean 'American Style 'For-Profit' Prisons, bursting at the seams with Paying Customers  Some of them look ed as though they might be still only 14 It was packed to the rafters with prisoners, some of them having been caught selling pot or even seeds, some of them with no chance of  leaving, some of them now facing the Gallows.

A Canada in which Women struggled to regain lost Rights they had previously and very recently enjoyed. A Canada where women still worked for less, had no ownership of their own reproductive rights and were not safe in the streets or in their own homes.



A Canada in which firearms were revered and where nearly anyone could find a gun whenever they wanted one. Unlocked and Loaded, they seemed to be everywhere.

A Canada with a Degraded and Dangerous Environment, where smog alerts and Emphysema were the Norm. 

A Canada scarred and brutalized by a Governement who had decided that clean water, clean air, good health and a stable climate was not as important as the Oil Economy.

A Canada in which all Canadians did not have equal rights and were not equally valued as Citizens. A Canada where Canadians had to fight their own Government to get their rights.

A Canada where many had to defend the Authenticity of their Papers, or be Restrained with strange Sci-fi Stun-guns for their 'own' protection.


When I finally woke up, I slowly realised that Istill live in a Canada where Stephen Harper had not yet been given the keys to the Cupboard. By that I mean, of course that he still has not been given his precious majority. There were I thought' "already a few cookies and some of the silver missing from said cupboard".


Smiling, I ate my breakfast and wated for the news of the Day to Roll in. I was Hoping to see if the Great mind of John Baird or the sharp wit of Jim flaherty or the huge number of Pictures of Our Great Leader, that I knew I would see could lull me back to sleep and back to that strange, frightening Dream.


But No! I am still wide awake, drinking a "Double-Double" and am in no hurry to Dream again. And I must say that I feel strangely refreshed, and hopeful even though I still have Zero Confidence in Stephen Harper's Dreams of Canada. I am hopeful that even if it is his dreams that come true instead of mine I will have done all that one insignificant man can do to wake this country.


My Dream for Canada is written down the Left side of this page. Personally I feel it is Much less nightmarish than the one above.

I know that the world is far from perfect but in a perfect world a man could get the things he really wanted, not only in Dreams but while living the hours between them. In a perfect world there would be no need of prisons, or guns.

Again, I reaslise that the world is far from perfect, but a man at least can still Dream.............



Don't let the hair fool ya. He's no "Einstein"



NORTHERN SOVEREIGNTY a la Stephen Harper

When Stephen Harper looks to the North, I worry about the Environment, the people who live there and who will 'Really' benefit from the Resources there.

When Stephen Harper looks to the South, I worry about the Environment, the people who live here, and who will 'Really ' benefit from the resources here.

When Stephen Harper looks to the West, I worry about the Environment, the people who live there and who will 'Really' benefit from the resources there.

When Stephen Harper looks to the East, I worry about the Environment.... Oh Wait ( pheeewwww!) Stephen Harper Never looks to the East.